that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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