laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
no you cant smoke seaweed
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
