The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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