How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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