Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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