There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
