Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
