sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
