Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
