So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
