grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
