we have pet lesbian snakes
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
