Jerry, you need to find god
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
