I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
