Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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