I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
