Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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