my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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