Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
