This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
