Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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