i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
