I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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