Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
