Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
