Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
