Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
