Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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