end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
