shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
