You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
