I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
