I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm passing your future prison.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
