i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
