Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
