I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
