so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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