Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
