you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
