i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
