The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
