i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
