roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
