i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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