He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
