she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You took a bar mat shot.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
