But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
