this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
