I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
