I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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