So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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