I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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