I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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