i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
