Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
