oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
