please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
