Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
