So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just pee around me
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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