I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
