I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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