I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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