i was born a porn star she said
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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