i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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